They asked 'How it Feels to be Married'

I got married just over 2 weeks ago and things pretty much feel the same so far. I've been wondering if it's going to feel different, and when, but I'm guessing it's one of those things where you don't see the transformation until after it's happened. For the first time, I did just check the box for "married" on an assessment form and it was fun

I began to see that yes, things were different now, and I felt a little different, but life as part of a married couple was not so radically different that I needed to lay in bed freaking out about it. He is still he, and I was still me. And yes, there was the new element of us being legally bound to one another, and yes it was really weird to think about it. But as the day continued I believed we will settle back into our normal lives. There was a time we playfully called each other husband and wife, testing out the words errr.. a bit weird but fun. 

Sometimes I wonder how capable I am in adjusting myself to be someone wife’s especially if he is not staying with me. He worked in peninsula while I’m still here. Although we have discussed about it but the feeling of wanting to have a normal marriage life (husband and wife in a same house) are very strong. Now I’m staying with in laws and they are very supportive. I’m letting God to work His mighty hand on us. Really hope my husband could be transferred here.. 

What a Life

I remembered 10 years ago when someone asked me if I have free time to come over to their party. Having a good food and movies with them, and my answers always 'YES'. Now I bet everyone (especially those in my range of age..lol) will gives this unanimous answer 'BUSY'. The response is almost programmed and without thinking. I must admit that 'busy' has been my response for years now..sighs. Come to think again, how did we all of sudden find ourselves in a society where busy was the most acceptable way to be spending time?

Few days ago while having a quick coffee with friend (but it turned to long conversation hehe), we've talked about being busy. This happened when she thanked me for meeting on such short notice by saying "I can't believed you could make time for me with how busy you must be". Am I that busy? Well everyone assumes everyone is so busy. Through the conversation, we realized that we forgot being busy was never a goal. We are not live to be busy. God has created such a wonderful place for us to stay, build a relationship, experience life, go places and create moments, help others or anything our heart desired. 

I have a feeling that none of us feel we are here to be busy. I do not believe being busy is worth of time because sometimes we might get caught up being busy doing worthless things. Life in this business world sadly has trained us this way as employee which expected to put in 8-12 hours of work a day. But since I 'must' seem busy, I fill the time with Facebook, chatting, web surfing or any other online life. This is not helping me to connect with others...not in a healthy way. I come to realized that busy is simply state of mind which causes more stress, unhappiness and wasted energy. Luckily, I convert it all by being socially active in church. Helping the parish and parishioners in all way I can. The gifts that I received from Almighty are meant to be shared with this community even though I received much of negatives comments (or should I say 'gossip') from some peoples. I have to accept in this crooked world, there is no perfect word/things can satisfied people especially in the unhealthy state of minds.

I think to enjoyed the weight that gets lifted our back is by changing our focus and not to be too busy to serve our purpose. I have full schedule this past few months and I mapped out my calendar to be sure it all fit without realized I'm putting myself in that 'caught up situation' again..sigh. Life can never be too busy for the things that matter most to you. If you don't have time for those, the busywork or life won't matter anyway. I am done being busy. Someone have to remind me.. everytime. I need to be alarmed about this..lol. How I wished to have a button that can trigger level of busyness to the normal and easy life. Hope someone can invent this so that 'busy' is no longer my response to life..just saying..hahahaa.   

Have a blessed week..

Have a blessed day ahead friends...

Why aren't we?

A wise old owl sat on an oak

The more he saw the less he spoke

The less he spoke the more he heard

Why aren't we like that wise old bird"

~Unknown~

Kotobian Tadau Tagazo Do Kaamatan

Starting tomorow, 30th and 31st May 2012, it will be the most anticipated Public Holiday for us in Kadazandusun and Murut communities in Sabah while 1st to 2nd of June is Gawai Day in Sarawak. How I wished theses celebration could be celebrated by whole Malaysians and marked these dates as Public Holiday in Malaysia. Well...maybe in next Government???. Since 1st of June fall on Friday the last day of working days, I took one day leave in return to have long weekend in hand... lol. Unfortunately, I have to attend two weddings and reception in weekend plus need to start packing (moving house)..sigh..

Anyway, the legend of this Harvest Festival Celebration is actually to remind us of the end of paddy harvesting season and it is when our Kadazandusun and Murut people offered their thanksgiving to GODS for the bountiful harvest. The celebration is unique to Sabah only. The legends says, Huminodun (The Harvest Queen) has sacrificed herself so that our KadazanDusun and Murut have endless food. 

The Unduk Ngadau Kaamatan or Harvest Queen Competition is the representative of a young lady Huminodun. Along month of May, every districts and kampungs having their Unduk Ngadau Competiton  and the winner will compete against all winners of each district in Sabah on 31st May. Now they more advance.. you can vote the finalist or like their page in FB hehehee.. So, who gonna  win the title of Unduk Ngadau for 2012 (UN 2012)...wait till 31st May.. till then..

Kotobian Tadau Tagazo do Kaamatan (Happy Harvest Festival) and God bless   

A Thank You Note

A good quality in us might make a rival or enemy in a journey of success. Most people along the journey were greedy and would push you beyond the limits. People react differently in different situations. We can’t blame anyone for anything. So it is better to love them because love could change everything. From worse to better, sadness to joy, darkness to light. I don’t want to hate those people because they don’t deserve it!! They deserve to be supported, encouraged and motivated. I’m willing to ride a roller coaster with them as long they take my hand and accept the things that we can’t do it alone The world is changing does not means you have to change to be more mean than before. All you have to do is to accept the changes and embrace it.

Thank you to you who made me who I am. You have pointed out my flaws and made me realized that I could do better. You made fun on my looks, my clothes, my personality, my thoughts, my opinions and personal views. But it does not harm me because you make me take better care of myself, make me more of me than I was before.

Thank you to you because all you have done was made me stronger. You made me fight for what’s right and made me stand up for myself, pushed me in both mentally and physically, made me defend myself and tortured my soul. You have turned my tortured soul into a soul that looks forward to the brightness of new day, a soul that finds only the best in everything and everyone, a soul that forgives you and loves you that all you wanted from someone else, a soul that is willing to embrace you and understand your pain and in willing to know you better. Because you know that I far ahead beyond you now.. lol.

My Thought For You

First day of the week..yes it is Monday. I used to called it Monday blues without truly understand what 'blues' was about. Commonly blues means melancholy and sadness..hey wait a minute...stop there!!. I do feel stressed on Monday and the rest of the weekday too. But I'm not sad and melancholy.. so I should not called it Monday Blues right??..lol. I prefer to fill my mind with positive and good thinking and for that I present you my big yellow smile..

And friend.. thank you for not hating me. I know.. I'm very busy lately almost 'invisible' from friendship cycle..but you still choose me to be your friend.. :)

Ahahahaa.. a words to ponder...

That's all for now friend..my little thoughts for you this week... again I'm going to rolling deep into my routine.... and dreams too...fly high...

When Nature Talks..

Sometimes it's good to talk with the nature...

When we appreciate life, the beautiful of the nature spokes to us...

Listen to them.... feel it with your heart... touch it with your eyes...

And surrendered to the beauty of the Creator...

Living Simplicity

I’m pretty sure in our daily lives, we often rush through tasks by trying to get them done, finish as much as we can, speeding along in our cars to do what we need to do here and there and speed to the next destination and doing the same again and again. Unfortunately, it’s often not until we get to our final destination that we realize what madness this all about. We will feel exhausted and stressed out from the grind and the chaos and the busyness of the day. We don’t have time for what’s important to us, for what we really want to be doing, for spending time with loved ones or doing things we’re passionate about. Slowly it leads to monetary life. We see things with dollars sign and unrealized live with it. Sigh…

People don’t see things but talk things. This is what I learned through my current social life. In order to be accepted into their group you need to become one of them or at least like them. They’re pricey people not just in monetary things but spiritually world. I couldn’t accept for what the conditions offered as I believe in one thing, you are what you are. You not belong to anybody but yourself. Accept for who you are then others will accept you (or not..lol). Might sound funny to most of you but that’s what I think through observation and currently practice it. I guess, I just couldn’t have time to be bothered anymore. I don’t care as long as I know the truth and I don’t even hold it against them. So now, whatever I do, as long as I know the truth and happy about it, I don’t get bothered by what others think. Those people have more issues about themselves if they think badly about other people and the more vicious they become the unhappy them about themselves.

Living in simplicity is what I need the most.. for now hehhee. Happy for what I have and dreams for what I don’t have…yet. Hope I’m not walk too far from my route hehhe.

And that's why I turned this situation to ‘as long as I like to involve and help people, I will not hurt them or by them’ as simple as it is…lol.

The Beauty of silence..

Starting a new day in a new month of the year is not easy. We hope for something new from others like attitude adjustment. This kind of expectation somehow becomes barriers for us to continue a fresh start. I heard a lot of sighing and complained from friends like ‘itu-itu juga perangai, tidak pandai berubah’ (their attitudes are still the same). Then I remembered one quote ‘we can’t change the weather but we can change our attitudes towards its’... something like that. This is a first week of the year, please make it feel like real New Year and stop pointing to others but look deep into ourselves...lol!!. Do not try to change others. To change the world, one must change themselves because to blame and complain will only make matters worse. Whatever you care about come with responsibilities because what we see in others show what is in ourselves.

Let peace be around us so we can avoid the negatives environment spreading. The world created by us is a reflection to show the person we are. Remember the good you find in others, is in you too. The faults you find in others are your faults as well. The possibilities you see in others, are possible for you as well. The beauty you see around you is your beauty.

See the best in others, and you will be your best. Give to others, and you give to yourself. Appreciate beauty, and you will be beautiful. Admire creativity, and you will be creative.

Love and you will be loved. Seek to understand, and you will be understood. Listen and your voice will be heard. Teach, and you will learn.

This is the beauty of silence…

Be True To Yourself..

Breakthrough in understanding and action has transformed our life and brought fulfilment.

The joy of giving is as great as the joy of receiving.

So never afraid to stay true to yourself..

Cross The Bridge...

I only believe in things I can see, touch or feel which consciousness is. Therefore I believe that feeling is the bridge between what we know and what we don’t know, cause the only thing we can do in the physical and spiritual is FEEL…

Your problem is to bridge the gap which exist between where you are now and the goal you intend to reach ~Earl Nightingle~

In every conceivable manner, the family is link to our past, bridge to our future ~Alex Haley~

Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment ~ Jim Rohn

Life is a bridge. Cross over it, but build no house on it.

Sometimes you get the best light from burning bridge ~Don Haley~

Breath is the bridge which connects life to consciousness, which unite your body too your thoughts ~Anand Singh, Thich Nhat Hanh

Faith is the peerless bridge supporting what we see unto
the scene of the we do not ~Emily Dickinson~

Go to the truth beyond the mind. Love is the bridge ~Stephen Levine~

LET EVERY MAN PRAISE THE BRIDGE THAT CARRIES HIM OVER

Lights Will Guide You..

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And on your face I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And on your face I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

A moment of Thought

I would like to say that I’m going a bit far this few months. I've joined and involved few things that catch my eyes and cross my mind. Meet a few new friends from my MBA classes and feel glad about it. Since our course are almost over, we joined a Toastmaster meeting (haven’t decide to become a member), SPA and going out together. It makes our friendship growing. I feel funny for what happened at the Toastmaster meeting (luckily we just a guest..lol!). I was surprised because there were officers, evaluators, timers, grammarian, ah counter to ‘judge’ you while you doing your presentation. I can see how shaking they are especially for the first time member who’s making and delivering speech. It is a non-profit organization with an aimed to help professionals develop public speaking and leadership skills. Quite interesting but I'm not ready to be judge yet hehhee..once I earn my confidence then I'll give a try and of course by becoming a member first.

Making new friends are great opportunity to me. I learned a lot and help me to change a point of view towards daily lives. Some of my new friends are entrepreneur and these give me some idea to dig out and develop more from myself. I received good advices and help me opened a new way to so called ‘urged to change myself’. I really amazed for what they have achieved and some of them are in my age!! Well, I might not good in finding the resources but this idea gives a driving-forced to me to look for it.

Have you all heard about JCI (Junior Chamber Industries)? One of my friends invites me to join their group. I goggled about JCI and found that this organization is under NGO and funded from banks and other societies. It’s all about to create a positive change, a challenges through local developments using strategic and critical planning for creative solutions towards communities and so on. I saw a lot of events and programs run by JCI and mostly helping the communities to face the challenges in world locally and globally. I’m interested in the purposes of this organization because it’s all about ‘serving’ and some more this are non-profit organization. Still thinking about it..lol.

To achieve a balance life is not easy and I admit it’s difficult. However, it is not impossible to achieve it. I play roles as full time worker, student, and free spirit ‘young-single mum’ (hehhehee…don’t laugh at me!!) and mingling around too. Sit in an office for 8-10hours, back home to the daily housework’s, struggling with my assignment/thesis, get prepared for coming exam of ACCA (huh.. thinking to hold this exam) this and that club members and fulfilling ‘my own’ time..lol.

Well, it’s just a moment of thought recalling what I’ve been through in these few months. As a wise people said ‘Every change offers an opportunity’.

By the way, how is your Hari Raya? I’m not going out much this festive season. Only pay visits to my sister and father house and have some Hari Raya moments with them. Well, of course ‘tapau’ some Hari Raya delicacies hehehhe…. I have to watch out my cholesterol level. So dramatic, high cholesterol with only 46kgs hahahha…

Parasites Friends..

We know what parasites is. But do we know those parasites also lived in a form of human being? This parasites could harm and possibly causing a ‘death’ to us. These kinds of people somehow come with motives and acted in a ‘good manner’. As a host we don’t realize it until it eats us up.

They go wherever you go and you have to ‘feed’ them while you’re dying. They attached with you in good time but ‘missing’ in a bad time. Often time they show themselves as a depressed friend and need your attention. You with them until you realized they used you for something benefited to them. They used your name to get attention, talk rude things about you to earned others trust and very good in displaying themselves to others as a victims and lead others to changed their perceptions about you.

They come to you with reason but left you with thousand reasons. Sometimes we feel guilty for wanting them away from you. Under normal circumstances, they come to your life with a tonne of problems and as a good friend you trying hard to be as good listener realizing you can’t help them out. Lead by the guilt and sympathize you offered services to them. Like, pick them up in your car, drives them places and happened sometimes you got stuck in the worst by lending them money. This parasites has no way to pay you back because they’re very good in manipulate your feelings of guilt over their situation and play on your sympathy to get more out of you. But once we offended them after helping them so much like, not giving them what they desire, they will attack to your self-esteem by bringing up all kinds of insults from your pasts or your weaknesses to barb you with.

Fuhh… I really hated those parasites. Why I posts this parasites things? It’s happened to me!!. I’d tried talked nicely to them but the guilt feeling in me wins them all. What shall I do with this kind of people? They might unaware of their own behaviour. I do understand for some people they are parasites by circumstances but through my observation these persons called ‘friends’ are parasite by choice!.. really pist me off. They wanted my attention when and where they wanted it, whether I like it or not they don’t care as long I exercise my duty as a FRIEND.

Forgive me for I’m complaining this time..hehee. I guess, I’ll stop talking to them and not responding to any conversation (emm.. Can I do that? Is it bad?). I don’t want them to leech over me forever… tired.

SCHOOL LIFE..

Have you ever think how many years of school or studying time in our lives???? Let me make the simple and short summary based on my knowledge and experiences..

After 6 years of primary education (primary 1 to 6), we will proceed our education in another level, which is the secondary level.

We will be spending 5 years in this level (6 years for those in probation class). The 5 years can be divided into 2 parts, which is the lower secondary (Form 1 - Form 3) and higher secondary (Form 4 - Form 5).

After completed 5 or 6 years in secondary school, some of us took (optional) Form 6 studies, which will last for another 2 years (lower and upper) to prepare for STPM, the entry towards local or oversea universities.

Life spending in Universities can add up to 3-5 years (diploma to degree level) depending on the major that we took. If we keen enough and forward to the higher level (Master) add another 2 years.

Summaries: Primary school 6 years, secondary 6 or 8 years (consider the probation class and form 6), Universities 7 years totaling to 20 to 21 years!!

Even though there is a quote saying ‘life is a journey of learning’ but 20 YEARS bound in education rules sound doesn’t make sense right??… what do you think??

Finding myself

Looking back 10 years ago…I questioned myself, what I am going to be in 10 years time… Looking back my old black diary 10 years ago make me realized one thing.. the excitement, which hardly to find in myself now…

And now I question myself again, who, what and where I am in 10 years time from now… looking back all the dreams written in the old black diary, something inside urge me to make it real though some of it looks impossible ..hehhehee…

Someone emailed me the so called yearly horoscope (I don’t believe this but good for alertness hehehehhe) that I’m not doing really good this year except in my career. So, must focus in my career for stable income, reputation and recognition. Money ~ Not good for short-term investment, spend wisely, no lottery or windfall luck. Love unstable, up and down. Health~ need to pay attention in my safety while I’m not home, need to visit doctor regularly (which I hate to), take care more people at my home despite on my busy career. In other words, I only have a fair luck in this year of tiger hehehhee…the major events its only related to my career and reputation….sigh..

Despite a lot of struggle and juggling in my life … disappointment, non-acceptance, heart break, loss and much more it doesn’t stop me to ‘dream again’ hehehhee.. thank you for long holiday CNY which give me a time to clear my wardrobe and found my old diary. Looking back for excitement in life, try everything which will cross my mind, try to make it real… spread my wings and fly.. thank you to those who make me braved and strong again, thank you to those who let me down coz it will make me stand again…

When I get where I'm going
On the far side of the sky
The first thing that I'm gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly

I'm gonna land beside a lion
And run my fingers through his mane
Or I might find out what it's like
To ride a drop of rain

Yeah, when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years

And I'll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
Yeah, when I get where I'm going
Don't cry for me down here

I'm gonna walk with my grand daddy
And he'll match me step for step
And I'll tell him how I missed him
Every minute since he left
Then I'll hug his neck

Yeah, when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years

And I'll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
Yeah, when I get where I'm going
Don't cry for me down here

So much pain and so much darkness
In this world we stumble through
All these questions I can't answer
So much work to do

But when I get where I'm going
And I see my Maker's face
I'll stand forever in the light
Of His amazing grace

Yeah, when I get where I'm going
Oh, when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
Hallelujah
I will love and have no fear

When I get where I'm going
Yeah, when I get where I'm going

The Obstacle..

Time is running out...

With every steps taken, it may lead to unforgiving decisions...

An Evening Thought..

Just before I left my office this evening... suddenly this thought come.. maybe I too tired or stress or whatsoever...

Day by day struggle with life, with cares and worries overwhelmed. Why is this so hard? Why do I get so discouraged?What is this disappointment I feel?How do I find peace during strife?

What is life, that I must live it?What is a day, that I must endure it?What is an hour, that I must spend it?

What is death, that I should grieve it?What is pain, that I should feel it?What is pleasure, that I should seek it?

Help me, Oh Lord to seek Your mercy,Help me, Oh Lord to seek Your grace;Help me, Oh Lord to seek Your glory.

Help me, Oh Lord to surrender all to You!

Life Is Like The Show

One day she called me with tears..or should I say a tear of giving up. She told me all the trials that she faced within this few years. She loose her good job, being dumped by her fiancee, sold her car and house and now live with her mother, live in debts and nowhere to turn to. She giving up her prayer, mad with God, acts like an idiot and doing something stupid..and I asked why.. she want the ‘world’ look at her!! Why this world so cruel to her. She had accept all the trials and now tired cause it never end…

what can I say to her? Keep praying and never give up? It is hard to face our trials with our own strength and keep praying without knowing when it will end right? but that’s exactly what God expects us to do. God knows that real spiritual growth can only come from and through the trials that He allows to come our way. Sometimes it’s very difficult for us to understand. There is a great value in any trials that we faced coz we’ll learned the mistakes and to thank God we can start anew… :)

I love this poem (anyway, I don’t know whose author is…cant remember where I took it..hehehhe).

But we wouldn’t have the rainbow
If we didn’t have the rain;
We wouldn’t know the pleasure
If we never tasted pain.

We wouldn’t love the sunrise
If we hadn’t felt the night;
And we wouldn’t know our weakness
If we hadn’t sensed God’s might.

We couldn’t have the springtime
Or the yellow daffodilIf we hadn’t experienced
The winter’s frosty chill.
And though the brilliant sunshine

Is something God has made.
He knew too much could parch our souls
So He created shade.
So God’s given us a balance:
Enough joys to keep us glad,
Enough tears to keep us humble,
Enough good to balance bad.

And if you’ll trust in Him you’ll see
Though yesterday brought sorrow,
The clouds will part and dawn will bring

A happier tomorrow.

I don’t know why I write this..maybe is reminder to myself and as a sharing to all my friends.. hehehhe… Life is like a show. It'll never end...