Hope for Today

To all my friends...

Let the dreams come with the hope, strengthen by faith and move by loves.

Love sincerely,

The sweetness in silence..

Sometimes I look around me, and I can see all of the sadness and the suffering. Sometimes, I think that this is what true loveliness is; the pain encased within each person's self. But then I wonder if this only a delusion that clings to my own self-loathing because of the feeling of afraid for what would be happens.

Sometimes, the hope and determination become so strong within me that I can feel myself lifted up and it's as if I'm taking a deep, sweet breath of air.

Sometimes, my logic tells me that this despair is not real. I am not suffering with depression, or anxiety. No, this is nothing but a phase. Sometimes, I felt that it is just a part of me, and nothing can cure it, and these are the most hopeless days of all.

Sometimes the words don't come out right. They form in my thoughts, pure and lovely, but somewhere during the path from my mind to the paper they turn into sludge and stutter across the page, uncertain.

But always the time He stood beside me
Tell me to be brave as I’m not walk alone across the path
The moment that I think I’m lost He found me
The moment I think I’m in dark He give me light to cross the path
The moment I think I’m overwhelmed He willing to carry the burden
The moment I feel nobody care He always care-guide me
The moment I feel alone He sit right with me and listen to my jumbles words
And often the moment I feel sad and hopeless He right there smiling and show me how beautiful the world He created for

And I’m surrender to the sweetness of His acts.. in silence.. I found it.

Everybody should have his personal sounds to listen for - sounds that will make him exhilarated and alive or quite and calm.... One of the greatest sounds of them all - and to me it is a sound - is utter, complete silence. ~Andre Kostelanetz~

Its My Life..

Almost a month did not update my blog..sigh..

Tense is around me at this moment. Sometimes I can’t think anything but sleep and have a good sip of coffee. Everyday waiting for weekend to come by hoping it will be a relaxing weekend. I do enjoy the weekend but I was too tired to enjoy it. All I want is a good foods and body pampering. Juggling with work, study and social/church activities make me want to give up..lol. Luckily I’m not a type of person that gives up too early. Don’t blame me for become so ambitious..hehehe.

People always asked me why I make my life so difficult and not enjoying more as how others woman do. I understand their perspective. For them, that ought to be enough, especially for a woman. A woman should not aim too high otherwise she might end up on the shelves. However, I beg to differ. Times have changed, and I ought to think more realistically. A challenge for woman at these eras is different. The demands for multi-skilled individual are increasing. More than ever before, basic certs cannot take you anywhere and we have to continue building up to keep up with times and stay relevant. Tough still, we still have to continue learning throughout our working life in order to keep up with the increasing demands of our professions. Its forced us to upgrades skills and knowledge to move forward.

Friends often ask me how I juggle the stress of studying with the demands of being a full-time employee. I don’t have an answer because sometimes I totally can’t use my own personal organizer!! And that’s delaying my progress. At this point some of the ‘birds’ out there will start singing and laughing looking at me. Who care!! I live and drive my own life. I always whispered to myself ‘there is always a way to overcome it’. Yeah.. if God allowed U-Turn why Can’t I? LOL… Yet, some of my friends often find it hard to accept my incredibly hectic routine. To them, I have no life! Some of them worried. But, unfortunately this is something that many in my generation have to live with for careers to progress.

Life must go on..handle it with faith..

How are You....

Suddenly, I like buying clothes, shoes, bag and accessories. In the past, I never cared for what I wore; a tee and a pair of old jeans would be ok for me. But it’s nice to care about our looks and it’s really creative to use different colors and materials to create a unique look that expresses our personality and our inner world. It’s an art!! (I get used with this phrase.. somebody taught me… :)) and I like playing with colors and altering my clothes to create a funky and grow up look…lol. Emm.. I guess it’s just a feeling to take better care of myself, make some changes in my appearance, easy going, less anxious and be more positive.

Now I understand why some woman adored this Cleo, Vogue, Woman and etc magazine as their ‘bible’ hehehehe…. (coz I’m starting buying it too..). I guess, I really took the ‘advise’ of this mag’s. It’s proven by a bundle of clothes and ‘coloring thingy’ at my wardrobe now… I just don’t know when I’m going to wear that.. hehehhe. I feel good after doing it. Well… I need to planned carefully the worthiness of the spending.. don’t want to run out $$$$... debt free.

I’m slowly getting back to my daily rituals and routines after months of resentment. It’s great to be back in my comfort zone after such a long time away from ‘myself’. I realized that time away has helped me to take life differently, shifted my focus and give me several ‘aha and wow’ moments to ponder. Well I guess, I’m in a making of recreating the new me… lol.

My life kind a too routine which makes me feels lazy and ‘dizzy’ at the same time. So I borrowed a bunch of novels from library, lock myself in a room with Pringles, hot coffee, a warm comforter and start a reading session along with Vonda Shepard playlist over and over again. I used this method to indulge myself especially on weekend night. I love doing this few years ago and I stopped when busy life chasing me. Not to say I’m not busy now, but the words of busy make dizzier so I changed it to routine… hehehehe.

Happy July to all of you… here Pringles from me… lol...

Finding myself

Looking back 10 years ago…I questioned myself, what I am going to be in 10 years time… Looking back my old black diary 10 years ago make me realized one thing.. the excitement, which hardly to find in myself now…

And now I question myself again, who, what and where I am in 10 years time from now… looking back all the dreams written in the old black diary, something inside urge me to make it real though some of it looks impossible ..hehhehee…

Someone emailed me the so called yearly horoscope (I don’t believe this but good for alertness hehehehhe) that I’m not doing really good this year except in my career. So, must focus in my career for stable income, reputation and recognition. Money ~ Not good for short-term investment, spend wisely, no lottery or windfall luck. Love unstable, up and down. Health~ need to pay attention in my safety while I’m not home, need to visit doctor regularly (which I hate to), take care more people at my home despite on my busy career. In other words, I only have a fair luck in this year of tiger hehehhee…the major events its only related to my career and reputation….sigh..

Despite a lot of struggle and juggling in my life … disappointment, non-acceptance, heart break, loss and much more it doesn’t stop me to ‘dream again’ hehehhee.. thank you for long holiday CNY which give me a time to clear my wardrobe and found my old diary. Looking back for excitement in life, try everything which will cross my mind, try to make it real… spread my wings and fly.. thank you to those who make me braved and strong again, thank you to those who let me down coz it will make me stand again…

When I get where I'm going
On the far side of the sky
The first thing that I'm gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly

I'm gonna land beside a lion
And run my fingers through his mane
Or I might find out what it's like
To ride a drop of rain

Yeah, when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years

And I'll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
Yeah, when I get where I'm going
Don't cry for me down here

I'm gonna walk with my grand daddy
And he'll match me step for step
And I'll tell him how I missed him
Every minute since he left
Then I'll hug his neck

Yeah, when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years

And I'll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
Yeah, when I get where I'm going
Don't cry for me down here

So much pain and so much darkness
In this world we stumble through
All these questions I can't answer
So much work to do

But when I get where I'm going
And I see my Maker's face
I'll stand forever in the light
Of His amazing grace

Yeah, when I get where I'm going
Oh, when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
Hallelujah
I will love and have no fear

When I get where I'm going
Yeah, when I get where I'm going

Kinabalu Girl

One of my longest online friend from Mexico, always address me ‘Hey..Kinabalu girl, how are you?”. At first I don’t bother about it. To me it’s natural because I came from Sabah in which Mount Kinabalu located about. Then one day, I asked him ‘why you keep calling me Kinabalu Girl since you know my name?’ He answered me ‘Kinabalu is the name of the tallest mountain in South-East Asia. By calling you that, it will remind me’. Then I asked him, if he knows the legends of the Mount Kinabalu. He did not know except, Kinabalu is one of the safest mountain to climb..hahahhaaa.. I asked him to goggle the stories behind the name of Kinabalu…lets him find out first..lol..

Everyone knows Mount Kinabalu one of the tallest mountains in South-East Asia but some do not know the legend behind it. Some stories can consider as a myth. I don’t care how they look into it as for me being a biggest local ethnic in Sabah make me proud…lol. The biggest local ethnic in Sabah is Dusun. Dusun can be categorized into few tribes like Lotud, Lundayeh, Tidung, Tindal… so many to write.. lol. But now, most people addressed us as Kadazandusun (1989 conference KDCA) due to the identity crisis that had crippled and impeded the growth and development of the Kadazan-Dusun multi-ethnic community in socio-culturally, economically and politically. Kadazanism vs Dusunism sentiments were politices in early 60’s. The best alternative approach to resolve this problem is to use Kadazandusun. I don’t care about it either because we came from the same ‘tree’. .^-^

Back to the Mount Kinabalu, there is few version of the legend/myth…

The mountain’s name brings many stories with regards to the origin of its name. The first derivation of the word Kinabalu was taken from the KadazanDusun word ‘Aki Nabalu’, which translated means ‘the revered place of the dead’. The locals believed that the spirits were roaming on the peak of the mountain, feeding off moss that grows amongst bare rock. Upon ascent to the peak, the Kadazandusuns would perform religious ceremonies to appease the spirits of the mountain. In the modern times, the Kinabalu park guides perform these rituals. If you lucky enough, you can join the shows too..hehheee

A second source states that the name Kinabalu derives from “Cina Balu” (or translated to a Chinese Widow). The pronunciation of the word “Cina” (chee-na) was change to “Kina” (Kee-na) due to the influence of the KadazanDusun of Sabah. The story goes that a Chinese prince was cast away to Borneo when his ship sank in the middle of the South China Sea. After being rescue by natives from a nearby village, he grew fond of the people and was then accepted by the natives. He fell in love with a local girl and eventually married her. As the years passed, he felt homesick and requested permission from his new found family to return back to China to visit his parents. He had promised that after his trip back to China, he would return to Borneo to take her and their children to China.Upon his return to China, he was given a grand welcome, but to his dismay, his parents disagreed on bringing back his family, which he had left in Borneo. It was arrange that he was to wed a princess from a neighboring kingdom. As such, he obeyed his parents with a heavy heart. His wife back in Borneo decided to wait for his ship to return. She decided to climb the highest mountain in her village every morning at sunrise to get a better view of the coast, but eventually her efforts took a toll as she fell ill and died at the peak of the mountain whilst waiting for her husband’s return. The people in her hometown village were gravely touched by her and decided to name the mountain Kinabalu in remembrance of her… how touching. In modern time, I don’t dare to say if any ladies outside there still do the same. But, I’m very sure 70% might be 'cabut' already..lol..

The others is about a Chinese Prince seeking a huge pink pearl that exists at the very top of the mountain and guarded by a ferocious dragon. After a terrific battle, he slays the dragon and took the pearl, whereon he married local Kadazandusun woman. He got homesick and deserted his wife to return to China and the heartbroken wife wandered to the mountain and was turned to stone… beware if you ever climb mount Kinabalu and saw a beautiful ladies… hehheee..

By the way if you ever visit Sabah, don’t forget to put in your list to climb Mount Kinabalu and I’m happy to be your guide but up to the feet of the mountain only!!! Hahahahaa…

All I Wanna Do..

We all making lists. Especially if we live by our own ‘organizer’ and rules. Well.. I’m talking about myself.. lol... I’m making all those list to keep track of all the things that I need to do, to make progress in certain areas of my life and to be reminded of them at the appropriate time. When I failed, I feel so unmotivated and starting to lost focus, regret and down. Juggling with all this lists make me suffer sometimes. And I realize one thing, people starting make an expectation to me in whatever things I do. That make me stress and suffocated…huh..

But, since these few days.. I feel like.. I don’t need all of this.. all I want is do something that can or chances to break all those rules.. my own rules …. hehehe… maybe I just want to give up everything and do something crazy.. hope I’m not too crazy to get fired and unemployed, drawn in debts, tickets summons… lol..

Jingle Jingle All The Way....

I’ve took 2 weeks off from routine works and started work yesterday. Where did I go? Of course invested my money to all shopping outlet and making the Taukeh there richer and richer.. hehehehe.. Shop for Christmas goodies with my sisters and friends. I jingle-jingle all the way from 1Borneo, Metrojaya, Warisan Square and most all the shopping outlet in KK I explored from 10am to 10pm!!!.. There is a day I didn’t buy anything but cuci mata and eat a lot… never tired. Totally forgot of my exams and assignments.. hehehehee.. never tired for shopping… lol.. woman is woman.. excuse me..kekeeee..

Christmas comes the same time every year. I’ve making a list and make a set spending amount for each person on the list. And had prepared a little extra in case prices go up or to add a little something extra in the lists (especially to my nephews and niece ..hehehee). Normally I add about 10% over the total. However, I cannot managed my spending coz too much sales..sales..and sales… now I'm broke.. :(. Luckily I back to work.. and become kuai-kuai now.. hehehee

Maybe I need to open an extra savings accounts or Christmas club account to control my spending habit… got such things meh??? ... lol..

Whatever it is.. let's jingle all the way this Christmas.. less than 60 hours we will celebrate the Christmas.. the coming of our Savior …

....................

There is a time... you can't face it alone..

I'm So Tired...

Feeling tired is one of the most common phrases in many of us especially with those who deal with timeline in work or study. Not easy to diagnose what is the real caused of tired as it could be caused by so many different ailments. Last night, I can’t sleep and my mind start thinking to find out why I feel so exhausted especially this week. Normally, I answered my mind by saying that ‘I’m tired coz I over worked ..I’m tired coz not enough time ..I’m tired coz not enough sleep and etc’. It’s just a few reasons of why I might be feeling so tired.

Maybe I bored with my routine works and daily personal life. Everyday come home from work and just collapse on couch or bed feeling tired. No desire to move on and don’t want to do anything. Feel trapped doing the same thing every day with no hope for escape. Always feel like my whole life was ‘get up, go to work, come home, go to bed then repeat again tomorrow’. Feel frustrated with what’s happening in my life.

Today is Saturday and not a working day for me. But still need to come to office to do some works.. now I’m ready to take a shower.. :(

Maybe I need to try something new… but I still feel tired to think about it.. hehheehee. And now I still very tireeeeeeeedddddddd….

A Piece Of Me

Four o'clock in the morning
Afraid to open my eyes
Another day of grief,
A day of fear.
All alone I feel.
I try to justify all the pain,
All of this guilt before my eyes.
Another day of confusion,
A day of wondering.
Is it ever just going to go away?
All this pain that I feel,
And all this anger, is it going to stay?

Ten o'clock in the evening,
Afraid of the nightmares.
Again my breathing stops.
All I can do is stare into the night.
What is it that causes this feeling?
Another night of crying,
A night of hiding,
Alone once again.
My heart feels empty,
And I can't cry another tear.
Another day wasted on insecurity,
A day of wonder.
Is this ever going to end?

~Shellie Sanchez~

You Will Be There For Me..

When I think back on this time
And the dreams we left behind
I'll be glad cause I was blessed
To get to have you in my life

When I think back on these day
I'll look and see your face
You were right there for me

In my dreams I always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there'll always a place for you, for all my life
I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am there you'll be
And everywhere I am there you'll be

Well, you showed me how it feels

To have the sky within my reach

And I always will remember all the strength you gave to me

Your love made me make it through

Oh, I owe so much to you

You wre right thre for me

Cause I always saw in you my life, my strength

And I want to thank you now for all the ways

You were right there for me

You were right there for me

Always

There you'll be

"God, life seems so bleak and useless right now. No energy, no ambition to do anything feeling down and make everyone feels too around me. Make me feel your presence in each my prayer. Life is good, I am good and You are good. Grant me hope. My loved ones love me. Let me regain to know vitality and purpose, happiness and love. Until then, give me the strength and hope to survive this day. Help me to smile and laugh, even if just for a moment. Be my strength and salvation. Restore me and make me whole. Fill me with the Words an Spirit that I might be recreated anew. I praise and thank you. Amen"

To Be Saved And Live Again!!

(Photo taken from Image Search Yahoo)

I know some of my friends out there had set this resolution this year.. wanted to be ‘live’ again and had power to overcome their weaknesses. For that I believed that we need to understand and dig out more what really make us living in such situations. Me? Of course I want to ‘live’ again. This is one of my goal this year.

I want to be happy, want to be better, be really good, be able to help others, understand myself, understand life and others, be able to have or do what I wanted. I needed to have more control, be more kind, have the good knowledge to be able to use my power at the good place to do good. I want to be free. I want to put my life in the good way, understand and be free of my sadness and my suffering. I want to have the capacity to be able to repair the bad things I have done to other. I want to understand why I have problems, why I revolt, where I come from and where I go, how to change things, how to change myself; I want to be able to use the power of my mental which I rarely use it, want to understand what's going on. Understand from where are all this rages  comes from, understand my emotions, understand how to stand, understand and understand again and always more, find lot of answers to lot of question.

I wasn't able to be happy a years because been hurting too often or I was hurting me myself.  I was asking myself 100 times if I'm good or bad. I have found myself bad 100 times, I was in despair. I had no solution and no true help (or maybe I’m the one who rejected the ‘helps’?)

I’ve been asked this question by one of my philosophy friend…what is important to you the journey of life or the destiny? Well.. I don’t know your answer guys.. you tell me.. hehehehe. But… what I’ve learned for years.. the journey is far greater than the destiny. 

12 Days Before Christmas..Where Is The Spirit?

Where is my Christmas spirit? It’s seems to have run away. I don’t feel much like celebrating. I have no present wrapped and not even do the shopping.. not like before I’m so excited if December come. What happened to me? And it’s so close to Christmas day (it is 12 days to Christmas…huh?..) No light deco, no Christmas music, no warmness of Christmas at my office and..NOT even at home? Where my spirits of Christmas go? Is someone or anybody trying to take Christ from me?

How to get into Christmas spirit again? Is it too late now? Christmas is supposed to be a time of peace, love and goodwill to all. But with all the stress and bad emotion in this season, I end up feeling more like Mr. Grinch who wants to steal the Christmas mood from everyone.  My nephew, niece, sisters, brother and mum must be upset of me because every year I’m the one who always started the ‘Christmas mood’. I’m so sorry.. feel too bad and pity of myself.  Every year I yearn for the Christmas feeling that we are family used to have - the one that is brought to mind by silver bells, Christmas tree, present wrapped with colorful paper, exchange gifts, greeting cards, simple wine and of course a Christmas dinner..

Well, maybe I should go out to the malls, participate with the commotion out there. Try to enjoy with the crowd and make myself busy with gifts. What else? I don’t know. Or maybe watch some movies relate to Christmas feeling.. right? Oh God, guide me again to the meaning of the Christmas. It’s seems faded away… uncontrollable. I may never find all the answers and I may never understand why. But I know that I still have to try.

Grumbling Again..

Have you ever feel tired in your life? Not because of work but more on ‘yourself’.  Yes I did and I hate it the most. Now I’m realized what drove me more tired than other routine of life. But I cannot do anything. I can feel my heart crushed inside of my chest. My brain tired of repeating the best solution or answer to give it to the best. Tired of hoping, misled, pleasing but always become number 2 , laughing to make it easier to people  and tired of giving all that I have to get nothing in return except the scars. 

Tired of reflecting on memories by wanting them to last forever. Living in the false hope and know is not true but no strength to believe it. Feel tired for something I want too but cannot obtained, waiting and seeing things through from broken windows, listening to the promises but never come true.  And yes I’m feeling down because of being hurts, played, lies, alone, tears, alone, jerk, games and ….. dead ends.

I’m tired by letting my life being in other people hands and tired of answering their demands. The future is coming and I can’t let it ruined by living in the past. I’m really looking the way to come out and wished for the super strength to leave it behind.

Why are you cast down. O  my soul, why you disquteted within me?. Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my help and my God

(Psalm 42:11)

This Is The Road You Walk!!

I can’t sleep. Too much thinking or stress yet to heal? Maybe.. I don’t know. I dig up my wardrobe with intention to pack all my unused stuff and keep it at the corner of room and guess what? I found my old diary…. years ago. I can’t stop myself to read it…again and again. Almost 2 hours to finished it. Wah.. the stories of 364 days! Then I compared what I’ve done this year..nothing to be proud of.. mostly a ‘grey episodes’ arrgghh.. why? I’m in deep ‘emotion’ this year. I should gain back that energy and excitement. Yes.. I should.

I don’t know why suddenly I remember this song. It is because of the lyrics? the meaning? I’m not sure. But I know it’s mean something to me. I hope I can figure it out soon.

Towards The Future Look! Look at your feet

This is the road you walk

Look! Look ahead of you

That is your future

My mother gave me so much kindness

"Embrace, love and walk," she said over and over

At that time I was still immature I didn't understand her meaning

She held my hand And walked with me

Our dreams are always high up in the sky

It's scary that they might not come true

But we still continue to chase them

Because it's our story

We don't want to give up

When I was unsure, she held my hand and walked with me
There were times when I hated that kindness

When separated from my mother

I couldn't be obedient

Look! Look at your feet

This is the road you walk

Look! Look ahead of you

That is your future

There were times when I hated that kindness

When separated from my mother I couldn't be obedient

Look! Look at your feet

This is the road you walk

Look! Look ahead of you

That is your future

Look! Look at your feet

This is the road you walk

Look! Look ahead of you

That is your future Turn towards the future

Let's walk slowly...

Anyway, it is Japanese song. I’m sure you all know it. The song title ‘Miraie’. I’ve translate it… couldn’t remember where I get it. But I did wrote at my diary. There’s must be something that I miss.. hehhehe..will figure it out soon.. who knows.. will answer some of my questions.. hahahaha

Welcome To My Life

(Happy Weekend Everybody....)

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark

To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like
To be like me

Everybody asked me how am I today? why? how come?..well..feel lazy to answer and not in a mood of talking (but yes to chat..hehheehe..know what I mean). So to make it short here how I feel today..just refer to the LYRICS..Whatever It is...Rock On!!! :)

Good Bye and Rise Up

For quite sometimes I’ve learned to say good bye to all my troubles my tear and my sigh. This ‘world’ where I roam cannot be my safest place anymore. I will leave this ‘world’ and walk and talk with My Lord and have a feast with Him everyday with His word. I have to leave this ‘world’ so that I won’t have the blues anymore. And when I step across that shore, I’ll never pine for I’ll leave behind. Good bye to each sorrow and sigh. I can’t stay here anymore. I guess it’s time for me to say good bye. I have to go out and taste the joy and all the blessed things which given to me by My Lord. I’m gonna rise and shout “WATCH UP… !!! It’s me coming back”. Sound good? Hehehehe… yeah..I feel it too.

The moment I feel down I’ll assure that is the time to rise again. Take a part in this spinning world and let go my worries in the air. I’ve always been the kind of person. Hiding my face and so afraid to tell the world. But now, I have this dream… right inside of me and I’m going to let it show. It is the time to let everybody know. There’s no way to hold it on. No more hiding who I want to be. Let this coming year reveal myself. I’m tired to keep on hold for something that I want to be. So, this is my promise to myself…my Christmas wouldn’t be the same as before. There is hoping spirit in me. I will roar like a lion in a dessert and fly like an eagle with Armour of God ….whoaahahhaa…

Sunday Walk..The 'Flashback'

I feel so exhausted for this couple of weeks. And today, I managed to go out with my loved one ^_^ to have a brunch and take a walk at 1Borneo. Both of us feel so tired and tension for almost a month. Just to take a fresh air and to ease our mind for tomorrow. Yes..tomorrow the battle of mind will start..emm..exam..so tension. Okey forget about that STRESS..hehhehe. I've taken a few pic during our 'walk' at 1Borneo. Amazingly, most of the shop..I guess 90% of the shops already put up some Christmas decorations and played a Christmas Carol..!!.. I'm yet to feel the spirit of Christmas..emm..maybe because the 'battle of mind' has not over yet. But I'm really sure..I will feel it in next few days.

What make me suddenly recall my youngest days (hehehee..like I'm too old already) is a lots of young couple enjoyed their Sunday hehehehe..shopping, watch movie and etc. They never care what others think about them. They laughing and talk loudly. Like this world is their own. But I feel happy looking at their smiles and 'loving-loving attitude' wakakakaa...good for them!! At least they will have something to remembered on their old days. I remembered how I enjoyed with that loving moment..hehehhe..crazy in love...boys chasing girls, girls in love and broken heart. Muzic, movies, clothings, handphone...hahahha..

Christmas..Christmas..Christmas is around the corner. I guess I've to start thinking about a Christmas present now..hahahhaa..will someone or anybody give me a present this year? hehehehe

Way Back...

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed

I've been lonely for so long

Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away

Just in case I ever need them again someday
I've been setting aside time

To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine

I've been searching but I just don't see the signs

I know that it's out there

There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light

Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction

And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart againI guess

I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real

Or if anybody feels the way I feel

I need inspiration

Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart to you
I’m hoping you’ll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I’ll be there for you in the end