Let my heart talk..

I think this is good enough to express the issues...

They asked 'How it Feels to be Married'

I got married just over 2 weeks ago and things pretty much feel the same so far. I've been wondering if it's going to feel different, and when, but I'm guessing it's one of those things where you don't see the transformation until after it's happened. For the first time, I did just check the box for "married" on an assessment form and it was fun

I began to see that yes, things were different now, and I felt a little different, but life as part of a married couple was not so radically different that I needed to lay in bed freaking out about it. He is still he, and I was still me. And yes, there was the new element of us being legally bound to one another, and yes it was really weird to think about it. But as the day continued I believed we will settle back into our normal lives. There was a time we playfully called each other husband and wife, testing out the words errr.. a bit weird but fun. 

Sometimes I wonder how capable I am in adjusting myself to be someone wife’s especially if he is not staying with me. He worked in peninsula while I’m still here. Although we have discussed about it but the feeling of wanting to have a normal marriage life (husband and wife in a same house) are very strong. Now I’m staying with in laws and they are very supportive. I’m letting God to work His mighty hand on us. Really hope my husband could be transferred here.. 

REstarting...

I WANT TO WRITE AGAIN

I WANT TO BLOG AGAIN

I WANT TO FEEL AGAIN

THERE IS SO MUCH TO TALKED ABOUT AND THAT IS JOURNEY....

Too Nice Could Hurt You

Being too nice could hurt you. I agree with this phrase. Through my own experience and observation of people lives, I saw this happened in workplace, relationship and lots more. You could be treated and labelled as a doormat to serve their purposes or bullied for their own pleasures. 

Being nice amongst friends or family will definitely earn a title of ‘good friend or buddy’ or sometimes labelled as a friend who will accept anything and everything thrown at. To serve the title of ‘good friend or good buddy’ you will run around to help your friends in needs. Sometimes this could lead to bullying. Have you ever experience that your opinion are not matter to them? Or you become practical jokes because they expect you will never retaliate? Or being put in front of fighting or argument because you are too nice to be ‘punch’? 

In workplace, I encountered some colleagues took advantage by trying to offload their share of work, bosses gives more work and you’ll received tons of compliments like ‘nice job! You are the man! I count on you!’ Through years of observation, being nice could cause you lost your opportunity of promotion. Why? Because you are too nice to be a Leader/Manager! Nice person usually don’t make a great managers. 

Everyone dreamed to have a romantic and nice partner because it is compliment to each other. But sometimes this habit may backfire you because you have to be ‘nice’ in every situations!. Sound not good? Have you ever feel that you are the one who always to bow down or taking the blame out of arguments? Or your partner takes off any of the plans ahead without asking you? Or find yourself doing all the works by thinking it is your responsibilities because you must be nice to your partner?. You may not see the signs that your partner is taking advantage on you. He/she will not respect your opinion or not even discuss any matters to you because your partner may take you for granted thinking like “He/she is too nice, He/she won’t say anything, He/she will accept no matter what I say,”. 

I know being nice to people around you is a right thing to do because life is about spreading love and sharing joy. But life is not a fairytales and hardly to see ‘happily ever after’ moments. In this century everyone are opt to coloured their own life. Climb our own ‘ladder’ of life. Our niceness could harm our way. The obvious ‘harm’ is people may take emotional, moral or financial advantage on you simply because you are being nice and don’t have the heart to say no. It’s happened to me before. Not just that, my voice or complain for the lack of service or faulty product are not being ‘heard’. 

Wonder why I wrote this post? Above situations happened in front of my nose this morning. Blessed to those nice persons and screwed to those bullies!!

Happy Merdeka Raya

Time flies so fast. For this past few months I'm living my life with full of gratitude. Happy for whatever I have and trying my best to achieved for whatever I dreams for. Here we are again...in a corner of celebration of Hari Raya and soon for Merdeka Day for our country.

Despite of many rumors and problems facing by our country, together we unite in celebration of Merdeka. 

Long weekend is coming..yeah..I'm happy to realized it. Its means we can have days to rest and time spend with family. 

By the way, have a safe journey... and God bless you all. 

Healing Hand Of God

I have seen the many faces,

I fear in the pain.

I have watched the tears fall plenty,

From heart ache and strength.

So if life's journey, Has you weary and afraid.

There's rest in the shadow of his wings.

I have walked through the valleys,

The mountains and plains.

I have held the hand of freedom,

It washes all my stains.

If you feel the weight of many trials,

And burdens from this world.

There's freedom in the shelter of the Lord.

I have seen,

The healing hand of God,

Reaching out and mending broken hearts.

Taste and see the fullness of His peace,

And hold on to what's being held out.

The healing hand of God.

I have touched the scars upon His hands,

To see if they were real.

He has walked the road before me,

He knows just how I feel.

When you feel there is not anyone,

Who understands your pain,

Just remember all of Jesus' suffering.

(Chorus)

Cast all your cares on Him,

For He cares for you.

He's near to the broken and confused.

By His stripes,

Our spirit is renewed.

So enter in the joy prepared for you.

(Chorus)

The healing hand of God (x2)

And hold on to what's being held out (x2)

The healing hand of God

Oh Oh Oh Oh

~Jeremy Camp~

A Time to begin..

Another year passed. A new chapter of life has begun. And here I am.. walked in the same road, same journey in different times. Thousand of reasons to be cry, laugh and share in 2011. I thankful for all that. The struggles, bitterness, sadness, happiness and the uncertainty has brought me to 2012. Despite to all the traumatize years, I become strong in every way of God. I know suffering will pass if the door of acceptance open and to allows the positive energy to step in. Let the new breeze in to comfort the rage storm.

Present suffering may pass, Lord your mercy will last

And my heart will find praise, I will delight in your way

If my heart has grown cold, there your love will unfold

When I'm blind to my way, there your spirit will pray

As you open my eyes to the work of Your hands

I will walk this journey with hope, faith and love. Prayers and Angels will be with me by the prayer of you.

Somebody praying, I can feel it

Mighty hand are guarding me

To protect me from what I cant see

Lord I believe, somebody praying for me..

Angels are watching over me, I can feel it

There's many miles ahead until I got home..safely arrive into Your throne

Lord, be my refuge at this hour. I have been accused, insulted, blames and judged wrong. Please will you come by me, I want to rest in your arms. I know there is peace and comfort only through you. Broken heart, shattered dreams and tearing eyes will be renewed.

Wordless Wednesday (Week 3, Nov)

Huhuu... the Next Day I'll be..

My Thought For You

First day of the week..yes it is Monday. I used to called it Monday blues without truly understand what 'blues' was about. Commonly blues means melancholy and sadness..hey wait a minute...stop there!!. I do feel stressed on Monday and the rest of the weekday too. But I'm not sad and melancholy.. so I should not called it Monday Blues right??..lol. I prefer to fill my mind with positive and good thinking and for that I present you my big yellow smile..

And friend.. thank you for not hating me. I know.. I'm very busy lately almost 'invisible' from friendship cycle..but you still choose me to be your friend.. :)

Ahahahaa.. a words to ponder...

That's all for now friend..my little thoughts for you this week... again I'm going to rolling deep into my routine.... and dreams too...fly high...

Gloomy Friday...

It’s a beautiful sunny Friday but somehow I feel so gloomy inside. Been overly busy this past few weeks and that’s why I’m not able to update my blogs. Routine works especially by month end and with all the ISO stuff’s flooded my mind, checking and signing of papers and there are even time my right arm aching due to over use and my eyes are burning as I focus too much on screen. I might have to defocus and exercise my eyes to every now and then. My brains feel so exhausted due to too much thinking in finishing my thesis but somehow it shuttered when comes to papers..sigh!!

But I feel a bit excited as weekend is coming even though I know I’ll be busy with church thingy. But first of all, I’m going to spend Saturday morning with my nephew as I’ve promised to him to have a meal at MCD otherwise he will keep complaining and buzzing around me hehehee…. then a time for me to catch up with the thesis.

How I wish…. I’m in a place with a green, serene with a cold breeze touch me in a morning, a sweet sound of birds with aromatic of woods kiss me in a afternoon and a beautiful sunset smile me at evening...

Happy Friday and enjoy your weekend guys…

The sweetness in silence..

Sometimes I look around me, and I can see all of the sadness and the suffering. Sometimes, I think that this is what true loveliness is; the pain encased within each person's self. But then I wonder if this only a delusion that clings to my own self-loathing because of the feeling of afraid for what would be happens.

Sometimes, the hope and determination become so strong within me that I can feel myself lifted up and it's as if I'm taking a deep, sweet breath of air.

Sometimes, my logic tells me that this despair is not real. I am not suffering with depression, or anxiety. No, this is nothing but a phase. Sometimes, I felt that it is just a part of me, and nothing can cure it, and these are the most hopeless days of all.

Sometimes the words don't come out right. They form in my thoughts, pure and lovely, but somewhere during the path from my mind to the paper they turn into sludge and stutter across the page, uncertain.

But always the time He stood beside me
Tell me to be brave as I’m not walk alone across the path
The moment that I think I’m lost He found me
The moment I think I’m in dark He give me light to cross the path
The moment I think I’m overwhelmed He willing to carry the burden
The moment I feel nobody care He always care-guide me
The moment I feel alone He sit right with me and listen to my jumbles words
And often the moment I feel sad and hopeless He right there smiling and show me how beautiful the world He created for

And I’m surrender to the sweetness of His acts.. in silence.. I found it.

Everybody should have his personal sounds to listen for - sounds that will make him exhilarated and alive or quite and calm.... One of the greatest sounds of them all - and to me it is a sound - is utter, complete silence. ~Andre Kostelanetz~

Going Where The Wind Blows

Friday is here...Happy holiday to all. Took a week of leave from works and daily routine and I will go to where the wind blow.. lol




Someone said life is for the taking
Here I am with my hand out waiting for a ride
I've been living on my great expectations
What good is it when I'm stranded here
And the world just passes by

Where are the signs to help me get out of this place
If I should stumble on my moment in time,
How will I know
If the story's written on my face, does it show
Am I strong enough to walk on water
Smart enough to come in out of the rain
Or am I a fool going where the wind blows

Here I sit halfway to somewhere
Thinking about what's in front of me and
what I left behind
On my own, supposed to be so easy
Is this what I've been after
Or have I lost my mind

Maybe this is my chance coming to take me away
If I should stumble on my moment in time,
How will I know
If the story's written on my face, does it show
Am I strong enough to walk on water
Smart enough to come in out of the rain
Or am I a fool going where the wind blows

Here I am walking naked through the world
Taking up space, society's child
Make room for me, make room for me,
make room for me
Am I strong enough to walk on water
Smart enough to come in out of the rain
Or am I a fool

Going where the wind blows
Going where the wind blows
Going where the wind blows
Going where the wind blows

Now It's Make Sense..

Welcoming myself to August..few more months to Christmas.. :)

People say, life is full of challenges, colours, surprises, shapes and many more..yes it is true. There is time I felt nothing and do sometimes feel full. As I acknowledge and accept it, I realized everything comes in circle (some believes it is karma..). Where is sad become joy, dark to light, zero to hero, nothing to something...

Life comes in many shapes
You think you know what you got
Until it changes

And life will take you high and low
You gotta learn how to walk
And then which way to go

Every choice you make
When you're lost
Every step you take
Has it's cause

After you clear your eyes
You'll see the light
Somewhere in the darkness
After the rain has gone
You'll feel the sun come
And though it seems your sorrow never ends
Someday it's gonna make sense

Tears you shed are all the same
When you laughed 'till you cried
Or broken down in pain

All the hours you have spent in the past
Worrying about
A thing that didn't last

Everything you saw
Played a part
In everything you are
In your heart

Someday you're gonna find the answers
To all the things you've become and all they've done
At your expense
Someday it's gonna make sense

After the rain has gone
You'll feel the sun comes
And though it seems your sorrow never ends

All that nonsense makes sense. Question have answered. Trouble makes tunes. Dead end makes way. Crying makes music. Everything are in placed.

Enjoy it...!!!

Its My Life..

Almost a month did not update my blog..sigh..

Tense is around me at this moment. Sometimes I can’t think anything but sleep and have a good sip of coffee. Everyday waiting for weekend to come by hoping it will be a relaxing weekend. I do enjoy the weekend but I was too tired to enjoy it. All I want is a good foods and body pampering. Juggling with work, study and social/church activities make me want to give up..lol. Luckily I’m not a type of person that gives up too early. Don’t blame me for become so ambitious..hehehe.

People always asked me why I make my life so difficult and not enjoying more as how others woman do. I understand their perspective. For them, that ought to be enough, especially for a woman. A woman should not aim too high otherwise she might end up on the shelves. However, I beg to differ. Times have changed, and I ought to think more realistically. A challenge for woman at these eras is different. The demands for multi-skilled individual are increasing. More than ever before, basic certs cannot take you anywhere and we have to continue building up to keep up with times and stay relevant. Tough still, we still have to continue learning throughout our working life in order to keep up with the increasing demands of our professions. Its forced us to upgrades skills and knowledge to move forward.

Friends often ask me how I juggle the stress of studying with the demands of being a full-time employee. I don’t have an answer because sometimes I totally can’t use my own personal organizer!! And that’s delaying my progress. At this point some of the ‘birds’ out there will start singing and laughing looking at me. Who care!! I live and drive my own life. I always whispered to myself ‘there is always a way to overcome it’. Yeah.. if God allowed U-Turn why Can’t I? LOL… Yet, some of my friends often find it hard to accept my incredibly hectic routine. To them, I have no life! Some of them worried. But, unfortunately this is something that many in my generation have to live with for careers to progress.

Life must go on..handle it with faith..

Lazy Me

Sure everyone has ever feel lazy on Monday..lol. Today I really didn’t want to do anything (well…I did submitted monthly report to the bosses..hehehe). My body in an office but mind at home.. sitting comfortly on a couch, eating snacks and watch TV. I don’t know why I’m always feeling tired. That is the reason I need more sleep but I found the more I sleep the more I get tired. Sometimes I’m tired of sleeping. There is the time I cannot sleep and sometimes cannot get enough sleep.

I don’t even know what happened to me. Spent my weekend wandering around shopping malls and eating whatever I feel to but still cannot get this tired feeling. Well…I’m not physically tired. I’m not even know what to called it.. emotionally tired? I have no idea at all. To think about it also make me tired hahahaa…. Wah! so many of ‘tired’ words today. I better off before I become more tired hahha…

Can’t wait to go home for more lazing time hahaha…

Parasites Friends..

We know what parasites is. But do we know those parasites also lived in a form of human being? This parasites could harm and possibly causing a ‘death’ to us. These kinds of people somehow come with motives and acted in a ‘good manner’. As a host we don’t realize it until it eats us up.

They go wherever you go and you have to ‘feed’ them while you’re dying. They attached with you in good time but ‘missing’ in a bad time. Often time they show themselves as a depressed friend and need your attention. You with them until you realized they used you for something benefited to them. They used your name to get attention, talk rude things about you to earned others trust and very good in displaying themselves to others as a victims and lead others to changed their perceptions about you.

They come to you with reason but left you with thousand reasons. Sometimes we feel guilty for wanting them away from you. Under normal circumstances, they come to your life with a tonne of problems and as a good friend you trying hard to be as good listener realizing you can’t help them out. Lead by the guilt and sympathize you offered services to them. Like, pick them up in your car, drives them places and happened sometimes you got stuck in the worst by lending them money. This parasites has no way to pay you back because they’re very good in manipulate your feelings of guilt over their situation and play on your sympathy to get more out of you. But once we offended them after helping them so much like, not giving them what they desire, they will attack to your self-esteem by bringing up all kinds of insults from your pasts or your weaknesses to barb you with.

Fuhh… I really hated those parasites. Why I posts this parasites things? It’s happened to me!!. I’d tried talked nicely to them but the guilt feeling in me wins them all. What shall I do with this kind of people? They might unaware of their own behaviour. I do understand for some people they are parasites by circumstances but through my observation these persons called ‘friends’ are parasite by choice!.. really pist me off. They wanted my attention when and where they wanted it, whether I like it or not they don’t care as long I exercise my duty as a FRIEND.

Forgive me for I’m complaining this time..hehee. I guess, I’ll stop talking to them and not responding to any conversation (emm.. Can I do that? Is it bad?). I don’t want them to leech over me forever… tired.

Here Again...

Hola.. so long I did not update my blog..emmm..about a month. I'm still here, so much things happen in my life. Feel like time pause and stop for a while.. and I slowly wake up, stand up , breath and get back on track... lol..

And I want to start believe again and keep trying to reach 'me'. A lot of things I wanna do..

Lets take a breath and feel the rain, feel the heat of the sunshine...

Next post will come soon...

Resting Place...

I’ve held on for so long
I cannot replace the tears of disgrace
Cause you running from the truth
All the ways you kept me hanging on

It’s seems the road I choose
Bring back to the place that I left before
And, again I’ve to choose my own road
Lighten by Him

Sometimes the road of life seems long
As I travel through the years
And with hearts that are broken
And eyes brimful of tears

I falter in my weariness
And sink beside the way
But God leans down and whispers
"Child, there'll be another day."

And the road will grow much smoother
And much easier to face
So heart… Please do not be disheartened
Because, this is just a resting place

And unto You.. I placed my HOPE
Bless this broken road…

Broken..

Sometimes I ponder about what will come next
Where will my life turn when it seems to stall?
When is the next time I will smile again?
and how will I get up, should I fall?

Happiness fills me with a touch of sadness.
By that I mean I know it can't last.
Beauty decays, laughter subsides
When will the stones be cast?

Tragedy can be measured
by the amount of happiness taken away
Elusion is our only protection
As we fall victim to its prey

So when I've reached a fork in life's road
and the choices are many or few.
I follow the one that leads away from misfortune
Thats all I can really do

When life is good
You have to hold it in your hand
You have to close your eyes
You have to breathe it in!

Happiness may end
While tragedy begins
Today is the beginning
Is tomorrow the end?

JUST FINE

You know I love music
And every time I hear something hot
It makes me wanna move
It makes me wanna have fun
But its something about this joint right here
This joint right here, it makes me wanna, woo!

Let it go
Cant let this thing called love get away from you
Feel free right now, go do what you wanna do
Cant let nobody take it away from you, from me, from we

No time for moping around, are you kidding?
And no time for negative vibes 'cause I’m winning
It’s been a long week, I put in my hardest
Gonna live my life, feels so good to get it right

So I like what I see when I’m looking at me
When I’m walking past the mirror
Don't stress through the night, at a time in my life
Ain’t worried about if you feel it
Got my head on straight, I got my vibe right
I ain't gonna let you kill it
See I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just fine

Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooh!
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooh!
Just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooh!
See I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just fine

Feels so good
When you’re doing all the things that you wanna do
Get the best out of life, treat yourself to something new
Keep your head up high in yourself, believe in you, believe in me

Having a really good time, I’m not complaining
And I’m a still wear a smile if it's raining
I gotta enjoy myself regardless
I appreciate life, I’m so glad that it's mine

So I like what I see when I’m looking at me
When I’m walking past the mirror
Ain't worried about you and what you're gonna do
I’m a lady so I must stay classy
Gotta keep it hot, keep it together if I want to get better
See I wouldn?t change my life, my life’s just fine

Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooh!
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooh!
Just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooh!
See I wouldn't change my life, my life’s just

I ain't gon’ let nothing get in my way, no
(I ain't gon' let nobody bring me down, no, no, no)
No matter what nobody has to say
(No way, no way, no way, no way)
I ain’t gon’ let nothing get in my way, no
No matter what nobody has to say

Feels so good
When you’re doing all the things that you wanna do
Get the best out of life, treat yourself to something new
It’s a really good thing to say that I wouldn't change my life
My life’s just fine

Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooh!
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooh!
Just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooh!
See I wouldn't change my life, my life’s just fine

So I like what I see when I’m looking at me
When I’m walking past the mirror
Don't stress through the night, at a time in my life
Ain’t worried about if you feel it
Got my head on straight, I got my mind vibe right
I ain’t gonna let you kill it
See I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just fine

Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooh!
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooh!
Just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooh!
See I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just fine

So I like what I see when I’m looking at me
When I’m walking past the mirror
Don't stress through the night, at a time in my life
Ain’t worried about if you feel it
Got my head on straight, I got my mind vibe right
I ain’t gonna let you kill it
See I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just fine!